Imagine this: giving in to my words. now. You are the Emperor
put your name here. You have in your hands the destiny of a people, you are holding this immense feeling of power, a feeling that courses through your body and full of character. In your hands are the lives of others, your hands are free or imprison them in your hands is to go to war and invade foreign lands, take the barbarian lands and expand your empire. Just you the most powerful man in the world. You know, everyone knows it. They know it and would give anything to be your chosen. now.
is great have the power to decide. To do what you want. To say yes when you could have said NO. Say no when you could have said yes.
Personally I have perfected an art: to say NO.
After having gone through years and years of difficulty in refusing the will of others, I got something I want to share with you today is something that will at first be difficult, but once you do you will be filled by a power is simply delicious feeling.
One of the things that make you to be disrespected, and people take advantage of you, especially men and women abusing you is when you say that SI everything. When even your own principles and disrespect for fear, not to disappoint others or indulging yourself nicer finish difficulties in making your will, and fully prepared (but inside of impotence Ardas) to do the will of others.
Many carry a load of years and years of obedience to their mothers, their siblings, their grandparents, their teachers, their religion, their bosses, their subordinates, their governments ... to all . Have been conditioned since childhood to obey their mothers said things like "well ... I like a good boy." And they grew and there are mind saying yes to anything they ask, and if it means they will work twice, that will put money in your pocket, you lose sleep.
These men seem happy and willing complacent on the outside, but deep in the fund that psychologists study and see, there are people sad, frustrated, they are aware that 90% of cases are used, which know that they lack character, they were about to say NO and could not, that they should have said but it's too late, who missed another opportunity to assert themselves and simply do what they want. Yes, that fund is a tightness, a feeling of depression only you know and would never admit it, just say "no, no problem ... I do."
One of the first things that are wrong when you say yes to everything is that you become predictable, as predictable as that every day the sun rises. Predictability is one of the first things you learn is wrong with seduction, and with women is punishable by death. The second thing is wrong is that you put in a vulnerable position to be used, so take advantage of you.
What I want to do is directly address this trend and begin to assert your character based on assertiveness. The first step to do is strengthen your core values, building code, based on your principles, things that you like, the things you hate, what you believe you must do to achieve your goals and priorities. Should focus on yourself and think that, yours is the most important, and should say no to anything that does not go according to your code, what conflicts with what you have stated that is IMPORTANT.
What you find out for yourself is that you can say no and still maintain positive social relationships. Where you earn respect, where others really see what you think and not simply take for granted, where they know they're important and where they learn that you respect yourself. It's a business where even they win, they know that you are a person of a piece, and know they have a person of character next to them.
The SI is not only that word. It is when you say "I'm coming," "will," "agree", "okay", "right now." SAY NO protects you from the danger of wasting your time and energy, I will defend to being taken advantage of you, you say what you do not like will prevent others meddle in your affairs, you avoid meddling in affairs of others, you can truncate and reject attitudes or proposals unfair, offensive and deceitful. Here
give some very assertive ways to say NO and maintain a position of power, not a slave and servant.
1. do not personal NO: Instead of appearing to say NO because you do not like the person, or because you do not like, or because you called crazy, or because their plans are stupid, always points NO yourself and show that NO be the reason that you are following your rules. From this it follows that must be expressed the rule that you say no to something, for example:
* I can not go to the barbecue because I need time to read.
* I can not accompany you to the meeting on Friday I'll be busy in the farewell of a friend who has to travel
* I can not donate to the charity, personally I have as a rule only foundations donate to orphans.
But Naxos is always necessary to give explanations? Good question. In fact, most of the time you should avoid giving explanations, but in some contexts it is essential that people know you a little better and that is NOT an excuse to show a character trait you have. Remember that almost everything you do in social settings should not be free, everything must have an intention to bring value traits in yourself. Thus NO is a form of value to add you and say: I have principles, I have my stuff, I have character, I have POWER.
Do not justify your always NO, because you can sound like an excuse, NO switches between justified and unjustified NO. Check Point 10 in NO without justification.
2. Manipulate a little SI: I want to learn how to enjoy a bit with the power to say NO and the possibility that you'd have to say yes. And when I say you should say NO more often not thereby infer that you should be rude. Let them see others sympathetic to their request, but can not say yes, then release the resounding NO.
* I would have loved to go to your grandmother's birthday, but on Sunday I have a game of poker with my friends from college that long ago I do not see. Say hello to your grandmother on my part.
* poderte I would have liked to hire, however HR was an internal candidate who had accepted the job.
* I would have liked to go to the Convention, however I have my schedule completely full.
3. Let them see that what you thought before you say NO : Show people that you've taken your time to respond, before you consider your request not to accept it. Avoid sounding as a robot who says that without even taking time.
* At first I liked what I saw, but after analyzing it wisely I can not consider your application.
* I've thought through and I must say NO, but I have nothing against what you ask of me I can not just do it.
* I thought you and I can not accompany you to buy clothes, this afternoon I'll be busier than usual, and really the plan to buy clothing for women is not something that goes for me, you understand me, maybe they should invite your friend Carol, I'm sure will have fun. When buying lingerie may wish to accompany you and make my suggestions ...
4. offers a consolation prize : This point is controversial, but for me a good NO carries a great exercise of power, about yourself, about the circumstances on others. And to do this you use a mental framework of power, and offer comfort and do not go really puts you in a place like Gladiator Emperor, to decide what to do or not to the things of others.
* I can not go this year to the party of your grandfather, but send him my regards and then visit you and bring you something.
* I can not help with the test you have to do, but I can recommend a few books to look at the library.
5. It shows that the NO ultimately best for them : This is another way to get a little complacent with your canchero and NO and show that after all is NOT the best for them. And remember subtly show character traits in this phase.
* Do not go with the party, I'm too busy to be a good company. (Value: If you are a busy man and have things to do)
* I can not lend you money, I really am a nuisance collecting debts. Yes yes, I know I'll pay, but I'm a little hard with my finances. (Value: If you ordered with your accounts.)
6. Say NO helping others to say NO themselves: This is important, the vast majority of people who are proposing is something not to be alone in something they hate but have to do. So ultimately you can also release NO, this works a lot when you are NOT customers.
* I can not accompany you to the party of your company. After all I know you do not want to go, but remember that there's still time to say NO.
* If you're looking to do a quality job, this item should you not, I can recommend X and Y.
7. Let them know what would have been required to have told you if: shows what would have needed to go to you could have say YES. Although often not true, and you has been finally, think of this as a way of connecting with others in spite of NO.
* I wish to go, if it was a Sunday would have been delighted to attend.
* You could have done a better job, perhaps with greater effort and dedication to the next you will.
* I could say yes, but if he were a little cheaper I would have accepted.
8. Show holes in your request : Often people end up saying yes or agreeing to things that have no meaning, or future or flat will be a waste of time, money and resources. Do not be shy to show what is wrong with the request for you to be seen as a critical person, straightforward, yet honest and sensitive as to not hurt.
* I have to say no, because your proposal is very expensive compared to the last purchase I made.
* I can not go, what you plan to finish very late and not budget as regressive.
* I can not go, it's a weekday and the next day to work on, if you had planned a weekend no doubt that there would be.
9. Say no and it is your last word : Do not be those who say NO and then the others know that with some final words and strength to give in, you will not be No, and point, for better or for worse . For example, if you say you will not go to a meeting, then you know it will be someone important, not reverse, if you do, you will be manipulated and the other known how to turn your decisions. One of the things that happen with sometimes not that one is wrong but you have to face the consequences. "This is an immutable rule? Certainly not, what would we not think our decisions and correct them? But do not be a variable not a weathervane, stay in your position and gives out and never have to do it forever. You can use a phrase used by Vito Corleone in the Godfather movie (I recommend the scene in Godfather I, just as Vito says NO to the proposed Solozzo Virgil).
"My no is final"
10. If required do not justify the No: I learned this once when I had to stop treating someone. It was just too uncomfortable for me confront me with that person and say a thousand things to argue my desire not to see her again. To their questions simply told him "No, I have my reasons and I have the right to reservármelas, when we became friends ever explain it to you now will not tell you why I do not want to see you again." Punto. You own what you say and what shut. If you do not want to explain is your right to do so. Sometimes you do not want to do something simply because it does not want and now. Show it and when it happens.
Finally, do not burden with what is not yours. You are not responsible for the reaction of others to your refusal. If you are a pathological complacent at first feel guilt, just do not listen, this feeling will subside when you realize that your negative are not harmful.
Many, many have problems with the NO. One way to grow is by helping others to say NO. Try it. For example, women can say no, then release it from the obligation she feels to do that to invite you, then say "rather Feel free to say NO and go instead to a site know who I guarantee you will feel much better. "
To start the hunt!
Until next time!
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