A reader writes:
" Dear teacher Naxos. Has anything happened I did not imagine that would happen but my relationship has been affected by the presence of a third party. The story is, I have 2 year relationship, and has a relationship with ups and downs, moments that I'm sure every couple has to passion and apathy. But we had no crisis so far. My girlfriend works in an office, there is a fellow who has been looking for and chasing. The calls home, calls her and she let the phone sound, sometimes I tell him to answer and she replies and goes elsewhere to speak. I must admit that she's honest with me and told me he feels attracted to him. Just do not know what to do. I reacted calmly, but I can say is that I feel terrible and I do not know what to do. "
Well, this case is very complicated, because it happens very often. Seduction is something that does not end at the moment to establish or formalize a relationship is something that should continue throughout the relationship. When I say I do not want to think that if this happens you blame yourself because you stopped doing something, or because you did something wrong. Probably this be the first feeling I can skip through your head and poison.
Each case is different and so many feelings to be found. One is the uncertainty, and this is the most important thing to try. NO EVENT TO UNDERMINE THE BALANCE OF YOUR INNER GAME.
So do not believe this kind of situation is an opportunity for people with a powerful inside game, a great confidence and self esteem. In the next few lines will find a list of do's and don'ts. In other words I will give some clues where to move and avoid mistakes and ruin everything. Let this be the opportunity for other readers to know when cooking something wrong with your back.
The defect that many men have is that we are not connected with our emotions, but our reasoning or our crotch. When we are not connected with the emotion easily fail to see tracks in the air that tells us that something may be changing in the relationship.
One thing: Relationships can change, as well as emotions and feelings of one of the two parties. Someone can stop feeling in love and begin to feel distant.
Another fact: The hardest part of a relationship is to respect the freedom of another, although that implies freedom to leave the relationship.
One thing more: No one owns it. Do not you own anything, even that seems yours, or take a long time with that. This is a really difficult but it can be liberating if you see it on the correct side. This is a liberating truth that sets you free from the worst of the domestic game: attachment.
That's life. Let's get back to business.
You must be aware of any change, it is subtle. If the notes rare, distant, distant sexually receiving text messages which does not comment, frequent, if it receives frequent calls not answered, or if it goes somewhere else to answer them away from you. If you feel cold, constantly complaining that you do things wrong, or is that of the overnight hates something about yourself. These signals may be due to the presence of a third party, but not necessarily, but may be an indicator for you to put your senses alert and arachnids to work to stop.
One of the things that I refuse to advise queries are men who want to take his girlfriend to another. Just does not seem fun when it happens to you. Imagine that you are happy with your girlfriend and you have someone behind her, looking for her, pestering, calling and shooting boyfriend destroying at every opportunity. It simply is not fun, why not promote them. When the condition is a situation that even you can lead to paranoia, not knowing what your competitor is doing to dissuade her from being with you and go with him.
It's like watching your house besieged by a thief who daily pass in front, watching, writing in a small notebook, occasionally peeks out the window to look around. You know he's waiting when you neglect to enter and loot everything you've worked hard to achieve.
But hey, life is so, what the question is how to get rid of an intruder that has cast such scruples in your relationship? In this post I will try what to do from the point of view of your relationship, that is, with it, what will you do with the intruder (If you know) is not subject of this writing (we will talk of territoriality and territorial nature.)
1. not do a tantrum dignity: It is clearly manipulative and puts you in a position of weakness. Claim and say that you feel betrayed, or reproach to her that how he could be capable, is equivalent to not dive and swim in your own weakness. Do not act like the classic "male" who denies and screams, if you do look like a wounded beast.
2. never fall into the trap of time : Many women try to tell you that I need to clarify their feelings for you who are confused, they need time alone, not understood, they are in an abyss of feelings and a whole lot more of rubbish. The result is that you ask or suggest a time. The worst idea of \u200b\u200ball. Usually the time means "jump in my life for a while while I'm alone with him to see what happens." Cruel but true. Pretend for a moment that time is really for her, alone, because let me tell you it's not a good idea to put you in this state. My suggestion that women be construed as "too radical", and you tell it is better to end the relationship.
When women ask you for a while and you hereby grant you put in a situation inferior, and is "wait and see if it makes me want to." Many men begin to call and beg for that time is short, and say things to their wives as "Hey how are you going? I wanted to know if you thought something about us ... "Although women do not provide this attitude of men are annoying and playing for the intruder. My point is: do not even know how bad they put the relationship on standby. To them it is an emotional form and considered not to hurt your partner more finishing.
finished work is a job of yours. And when you do create an atmosphere in which she will know that the situation is not comfortable for you and you come into the mental state of someone who has finished and thus is not involved, and hence is AVAILABLE. Again
is very dangerous state of "time out" in which she and the third are free to explore while you wait and see what happens. My recommendation: Take control of your own destiny, avoid leaving it to others.
3. not fall into the trap of "competition" : The worst thing you can do is fall into the trap of get to compete with the third. Do not seek to please, tended more or try to buy through the material, his preference for you. Valórate and do not change by the mere fact that a third person out there. Make it clear your essence and your personality by behaving consistently with how you have been in the relationship. Many people (men and women) to invent a third simply so that you do enough in detail and attention.
4. not fall into the trap of "pay in kind ": Do not start then with the story of a woman you are attracted too, and you are also confused. That would only entangle the situation, it sounds doubtful and further damage the channels of communication.
5. never beg or do as a lawyer in your own cause : Do not say things "but if I gave you everything," "if I've been so good boyfriend," but the pass as well, "but that I love you so much", "no one will love you like I love you "" But I give my life for you. "Simply pathetic. If she does not know that and you have not noticed, it's probably a sign that should not be with you.
6. is necessary to place you in a mindset of sufficiency This mindset will allow you to show confidence and let them see that whatever happens will win, if it solves your confusion will win, if not resolved because you'll also earn free space for woman who can recognize what is before you.
7. If there have been approaches physical or sexual relationship ends ipso facto : Do not let a confessed infidelity, for that is his most honest confession, I recess. She will need to regain your confidence to rebuild the relationship. For fear of losing you can not lower your dignity, or punish such behavior.
8. If you decide to continue in the relationship do not fall into the paranoia : Many men who continue the relationship after she says she is confused about a third, begin to lose the head spy on your email, spy on your phone, can not sleep imagining a thousand things, can not stop thinking about the issue. If the thing has become so best to end the relationship and peace and you regain your balance. Think first of yourself.
9. Avoid stimulating attraction intruder ban: The problem with this situation is that if the third is a co-worker will not be easy for her to move away, so ask to stay away is unrealistic. Also ask makes her relationship with the third party becomes taboo and forbidden, which automatically increases the attraction. Remember that we are attracted to the forbidden and make a mistake if you play bad this letter.
10. Playing the blame is a double edged sword : Some men come to make women feel guilty, "How could you be capable of that?", "Your attitude leaves much to be desired", "do what damage we had." I found that although for a while seems to work, in the end it does is stimulate the ban and therefore amplify the attraction to the intruder. Ideally
withdraw from the scene, take the mental state of sufficiency, of all or nothing (or wholly with you or anything.) I found that many times they return what they have lost recognition for having been dazzled by an appearance in another man, but there, right then is when you should sing it with Marc Anthony (Dale click the video)
If you have not read my post about classic " quadrant women with boyfriend, what you expect. When you read a little knowledge of the dynamics of play in a love triangle.
To start the hunt!
Until next time!
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